Simple ways to enhance self-compassion

#1. Comfort your body physically & mentally

• Don’t expect your body to be perfect. Nobody is. It’s good to accept and like the body you have. It’s all yours, so show it some kindness.
• Think of things you like about your looks. Do you have long legs? Broad shoulders? A great smile? A friendly face? Try to see the good things others see when they look at you.
• Think of things your body can do. Are you a fast runner? Are you strong? Can you dribble the ball? Ride a bike or a skateboard? Kick a ball down the field? Hike up a hill? Swim a lap? Do a cartwheel? Balance in tree pose? Take a moment to be glad for what your body can do.
• Eat good foods. Feed your body healthy foods. Eating a healthy diet helps you look and feel your best. It gives you energy and keeps your body working well.
• Get to bed on time. Your body needs plenty of sleep to look good and stay healthy. Sleep gives you the recharge you need to learn and play all day.
• Be active every day. When you move your body, you exercise your muscles. When you exercise a muscle, it gets stronger. With strong muscles, your body is fit and healthy. You can be active by playing, dancing, doing a sport, or even cleaning your room.
• Keep your body clean and groomed. Take a shower or bath. Wash your hair and face. Brush your teeth. Wear clean clothes. Find your style. Stand up tall and proud. Take a good look at fresh clean you. Let yourself feel happy with how you look.
• Keep to a healthy weight. Being a healthy weight is good for you. And it helps you feel good about your body. But don’t try to diet on your own. It’s not safe or healthy for kids to do that. Always talk to your parent and doctor. When you have a checkup, your doctor can let you know if your weight is healthy. If your weight could be healthier, your doctor can suggest things you can do. Eating right and getting more activity helps a lot.
• Talk to a parent. If you’re having trouble feeling better about your body, tell a parent how you feel. Talk about ways you can feel happier with your body.

#2. Write a letter to yourself. Think of a situation that caused you to feel pain (a breakup with a lover, a job loss, a poorly received presentation).

The majority of the letter is simply about offering validation. This is because when we are suffering, we don’t want so much to be talked out of our pain, and we don’t always need to be given advice. Rather, we want to know that our suffering was real, that it mattered, and that we feel understood. So, write as if you can convey this type of sympathy and understanding. These are some general phrases that could be used:

Dear Suffering Self,

I understand that when you are in this difficult place, you feel __________.
When things are this hard, you want to ___________.
You start to think that ______________, and wonder whether _______________.
You can’t help wishing that __________________.
____________ is a thought that often comes into your mind.
If you could long for anything it would be that you could have __________, __________, _________.
If somebody could just care enough to notice, they would see _______________.
______________ is what you need the most, but you have sometimes wondered whether it would ever come.
Having ____________ would make all the difference in the world.

The last part is to provide a comforting presence while refraining from giving instructions or advice. Such statements might be,

Suffering Self, you are so right to feel this way! This makes perfect sense to me. Of course, you would feel exactly as you do. You have been in this place for such a long time, and I realize how hard this has been for you. I can see that you are in so much pain.

I am here with you; you don’t have to feel alone.
I see your goodness and your value.
You may have been overlooked or misunderstood in the past, but you are not anymore.
I trust you and want to earn your trust as well.
I see the truth and the situation you are in, exactly as you do.
I know I have fallen short sometimes, but now I want to be here, I want to do my best.
I will stay with you so that you can feel reassured.
I care deeply about your feelings and your struggle.
Everything about you and what you are feeling matters to me.
If I could protect you, if I could stand by your side — even in certain moments of your past — I would do so unhesitatingly.
I am by your side and will take care of you. You are not alone.
I hope you can feel my presence. I’m here for you.”

#3. Encourage yourself

We all know just how encouraging it is to feel as though we have value and that what we do matters; this feeling motivates us to get up and go to work every day. But what happens when we aren’t getting the encouragement we need? Encouragement does not have to come from the people around you. You can learn to encourage yourself! If you are always waiting for someone else to encourage you, you run the risk of going days without hearing how awesome you are and that’s not good for anyone. Here are a few ways to get started.

1. Speak life
   In the creation narrative found in the Book of Genesis God speaks and the world is made “ex nihilo”, which means life was created out of nothing. Life is in God’s Word. Life is in our words as well. Not the same creative force, but still creative and forceful. What we think, dwell on, and say becomes a reality in what we believe. What do you believe about yourself? Speak life and create a fresh perspective filled with hope and possibilities. On the days when it seems like no one can see your worth, remind yourself that your value is not diminished just because no one else can see it. This youtube video of a girl speaking life will put a smile on your face today and give you a few tips on speaking life.
2. Visualize your success
   When we talked about the success portion of your Mornings Matter routine, one of the components was to practice visualization and confession. Visualizing your day will remind you that you are capable of succeeding in any situation.
3. Treat yourself
   One of the most encouraging things you can do is reward yourself for progress. In my weight loss journey, for every ten pounds I lose, I treat myself to a cheat day. I don’t treat myself in excess, but just enough to keep me motivated. Find what will motivate and encourage you and treat yourself.
4. Plan to play
   Make a plan to do something you enjoy. Perhaps that means getting a massage, spending time with your family, or heading to the beach for a day. Taking time to recharge and refresh by doing something you love is a great way to encourage yourself.
5. Grow
   Investing in growth builds momentum, and there’s nothing that encourages quite like momentum. Get a little bit better every day.
6. Choose the right environment
   Surrounding yourself with positive people is one of the most encouraging things you can do. Positive people and environments will encourage you by setting the tone for your life. Choose the kind of person you want to be and surround yourself with those who share your values. An investment in yourself is never a waste. If you feel as though you are lacking momentum or motivation, take a minute to invest in encouraging yourself. It can be difficult to encourage yourself; the whole idea sounds a little bit silly. You will grow immensely when you implement this discipline in your life.

#4. Practice mindfulness

While mindfulness might seem simple, it’s not necessarily all that easy. The real work is to make time every day to just keep doing it. Here’s a short practice to get you started:

1. Take a seat. Find a place to sit that feels calm and quiet to you.
2. Set a time limit. If you’re just beginning, it can help to choose a short time, such as 5 or 10 minutes.
3. Notice your body. You can sit in a chair with your feet on the floor, you can sit loosely cross-legged, in lotus posture, you can kneel — all are fine. Just make sure you are stable and in a position, you can stay in for a while.
4. Feel your breath. Follow the sensation of your breath as it goes out and as it goes in.
5. Notice when your mind has wandered. Inevitably, your attention will leave the sensations of the breath and wander to other places. When you get around to noticing this — in a few seconds, a minute, five minutes — simply return your attention to the breath.
6. Be kind to your wandering mind. Don’t judge yourself or obsess over the content of the thoughts you find yourself lost in. Just come back.

That’s it! That’s the practice. You go away, you come back, and you try to do it as kindly as possible.